The One Where He Sort of Rambles

I do know that I have a few more remaining thoughts about this past weekend and some introductions to make. Those will come very soon. However I feel rather melancholy today. As we all know that frequently happens once we come down from the high of a fun or joyful experience. I guess it's also in the nature of what I do for a living.

It's difficult to explain how we artists and crafters can really feed off the energy of a terrific show. There is nothing like being surrounded by like-minded individuals who have common interests, even common personalities. Plus there is that part where for three or four days I'm completely distracted from the situation at home - the problems we're still facing and will continue to face for the next several months and most likely in the coming years.

Joan caught a very nasty flu-like virus at the end of last week. I knew it was coming too. The stress of her job coupled with our personal issues finally provided the knock-out punch. Unfortunately the virus got passed on to Ben. Although he's been very sick with the same high temperature, body aches, and congestion as my wife it is very good to see how much stronger he is these days. There's no doubt that two or three years ago something like this would've easily put him in the hospital.

Joan and I haven't really talked about the meltdown that occurred a few weeks back very much even though the reality is still front and center. Some of my friends are still just discovering how difficult the situation in which we find ourselves. The two of us I think are managing our emotions quite well. The marriage part may be in shambles but the friendship remains very much in tact. We both agree that whatever the future holds for as a couple our children's well-being comes first and foremost.

My respite is that I have shows four of the next five weekends and I travel for three of those. I can immerse myself in my work and visit with those artist friends I mentioned earlier. Joan? Not so lucky. Work will continue to loom over her like a vulture perched on her shoulder. I'd really love for her to be able to do what she once did when we were having marital issues. Joan took off for the beach for a long weekend by herself. I think that short little personal vacation ultimately saved our marriage; it would certainly give her a chance to get away from at least some of the current hassles.

One other thing that I've been holding onto for a week or so now. It just so happened that one of my old fraternity brothers read that "meltdown post." It also just so happened that a golf outing took place a few weekends ago here in the town of our alma mater. Although the not-so-surprise-visit of a few Pi Kappa Phis did help us out financially it was more rewarding to receive the warmth, support, and encouragement from these great guys from my distant past. For a couple of hours it seemed we were back in college swapping lies and tall tales but the truth was obviously written in the grayer hair and receding hairlines. And even though over two decades have passed I know without a doubt we share a true brotherhood. It's something I didn't think about much way back in The Day as we were emptying a keg but it's certainly something I dearly treasure now as I'm approaching that mid-century mark.

Capri Sun's $250 Giveaway!

Yes, you read that correctly! One of our lucky readers will win a $250 Visa gift card compliments of BlogHer and Capri Sun. we've had to keep this under wraps for about a month now but A Work of Art was chosen to review Capri Sun's new breakfast drink.

You will need to go to our review blog to learn how to enter the contest. And even though the grand prize winner will be selected randomly we wanted to encourage our readers to really work on their humorous morning tales so....

In addition to the gift card winner, Jessie and Joan will select three finalists to receive a gift of art from me and Ben. Our readers will vote beginning in mid-June on a first, second, and third place winner. Each one will be awarded a special gift courtesy of Ben & Bennie! We'll reveal what those gifts are closer to the end of the contest (July 9th).

Good luck! And be sure to check out Capri Sun "sunrise."

How Bennie Got His Groove Back

This is Part One of what I expect to be a three-part blog series. Unfortunately, despite my good intentions, time did not not allow blogging from the road. I did have some opportunities that might have allowed me to do so but I instead took that time to hang out and meet some new family members artist friends who you will get to meet in Part Two.

In my honest opinion this was a "crossroads" weekend with a bunch of questions answered. Do I really want to work this hard for my job? Are you willing to be away from your family for a lengthy stretch of time? Does heat exhaustion and sunburn give you a good reason to point a middle finger to the sky? The resounding answer was "Yes!!"

The Savannah Fine Arts Festival ended so very fine; not just for me but for many of the other artists as well. Most of us artisans needed to know that art and fine craft is still celebrated in our nation. More importantly we needed to find out if the economy is truly making a comeback. Indeed if the next few shows coming up are anything close to this past weekend's then we're on the right track.

Despite weather conditions more like July than late April shoppers in Savannah acted like voters in Chicago: they came out early and often! Another good sign was the fact that there were plenty of tourists in town all four days of the event. All I can say is thank you Kenny, Felicia, and the Savannah Waterfront Association for hosting such a fine event.

Oh yeah, one other bit of news from the weekend that is somewhat noteworthy. See that image just below this post? The one showing the new little "mixed media" idea I'm starting to use? The abstract view of the Savannah skyline? It was chosen as the official design for the 2010 Fine Arts on the River, featured on t-shirts and any other advertising done for next year's festival. Oh how groovy it feels to have that groove back!

South Bound

I'll be leaving for Savannah a bit later today. It's a bittersweet feeling because I truly love doing those shows down there. The camping facility I stay at (Skidaway Island State Park) is by far the best I've ever camped in. The folks at the Savannah Waterfront Association treat their artisans extremely well - they are always helpful and supportive. And usually I have great customers and good sales there.

But this will one of the longest trips of the year for me. Four days without the family. Over one hundred hours without seeing Jessie and Ben. And of course, I worry about how the economy will affect the great potential this festival has to offer.

Even though it's only Wednesday it feels more like Friday. I have been painting almost non-stop for about two weeks and yesterday I spent almost the entire day updating my print selections. It's funny because I'm always paranoid that I don't have enough material before most shows. When I loaded the van this morning I was actually pleasantly surprised at how many original paintings I'm actually carrying with me!

For the first time I'll be carrying a laptop with me so I do plan on updating the blog during the weekend. Hopefully I'll have some time to catch up on my blog reading - I have a ton of favorite bloggers to catch up on! I'd also ask that those of you that do so say a prayer for success and safety while I travel. Even though I already have one show this season under my belt I still have some icky feelings left over from the Holden Beach incident last fall.

The above painting is new and incorporates a new process I've worked on during the winter. If you click on the image you can study it a little closer. Let's see how many of you can figure out what's different about it.

More New Paintings

As you can see I've continued to work, refusing to cave into the desire to stay in bed all day to hide from the world. Perhaps the stress is pushing me into new territory - many of these are a true return to my "primitive" days when I was making the transition from oil back to acrylic.

Truly when I'm in the studio the problems disappear at least for a while. It's so refreshing to be pulled into the scene before me while layering colors on the canvas. I think I'm finding out why folks like my finished pieces so much - I definitely would rather be there than here.

I had a wonderful treat yesterday afternoon. Word has spread about our life circumstances via Facebook, e-mails, and the blog. My brothers from my college fraternity, Pi Kappa Phi, have an annual golf outing. In celebration of the 25th event they returned home to Furman University here in Greenville for the weekend. As much as I would've loved to join them I knew our check book wouldn't allow it so I declined the inviation a few weeks back.

Six of the guys including all but one of my pledge class stopped by yesterday for several hours to offer support. It was much needed therapy for me. Of course Ben was in awe of having 7 men sitting around laughing about the good times we've had through the years. Honestly I laughed for the first time in weeks. Thanks guys!

I've finally added new items at our on-line store. Mostly prints for the moment. I still have the rest of today and tomorrow to add a few totes and original paintings. The "Sea Turtle" is one of my all-time favorites! It measures 16" x 20" and comes ready to hang. as always you can click on the images for a closer view of them.

"Big City Nights"
24" x 36" canvas

"Joy in the Key of Life"
24" x 30" canvas
This was a commission piece - no prints will be available.

"Bite Me!"
24" x 36" canvas
I love this one!

"Purple Haze"
24" x 36" canvas

"Twilight"
24" x 36" canvas

Ben Loves the Beach!

Despite the hell Joan and I are going through we're somehow keeping the kids healthy and happy. I'll admit that it's incredibly difficult to not smile when your exposed to this particular child who constantly has a huge grin on his face.

Uncomfortably Numb

Once again I appreciate the phone calls, e-mails, messages, and comments. I had a really nice chat yesterday morning with my artist friend Christy who asked a pretty good question: are things better or just in a holding pattern? Maybe a it is a little bit of both.

Joan and I are obviously going to do our best to keep the marriage in tact. We may no longer be the lovers we once were but we'll always remain best friends. Even if we could afford a divorce I don't know if we could go through with it knowing what it would do to Jessie, much less knowing there would be stretches of time away from our children. That is what brought us back together after we separated a few years back.

Of course our financial situation remains the same. I have one last insurance policy left which has a cash value (thankfully). We plan to cash that in as soon as we get the paperwork and that, my friends, should get us through the month. Don't expect me to do any sky-diving or dirt bike racing until we can set up a term life policy to replace the old one.

Also pardon me for not writing in my usual jovial manner. I am tired. Stress does a number on our bodies not only emotionally but physically too. It is so very difficult to get out of bed in the mornings but I make myself do it. I can't imagine how bad it is for Joan knowing the pressure she faces this week as she catches up from a week away from work. Maybe I am still in love? It is certain that I'd exchange my place in life for hers knowing that she would probably be happier.

I guess the biggest thing that I figured out since my "meltdown post" last week was how few of you knew how difficult life had become for us. My first instinct was to apologize for the outburst but I'm honestly left wondering how did so many of you not know? Maybe I've sugar-coated our situation with humor and Ben's huge smiles I post. Maybe I should have pulled the curtain aside just a little more to expose the reality we're facing - the reality that so many other exceptional families is dealing with.

My problem with blogging about this incredible burden is that I don't want you folks to think I'm whining. Certainly everyone has their own share of difficulties and blogging about them really helps at times, whether it's just to unload in a safe place or actually getting help or answers. But there comes a point where writing about one's problems becomes something of a "pity party." In all honesty I wouldn't want to keep visiting a sympathy sanctuary.

The bottom line in all this boils down to pride. This is the most humiliating experience Joan or I have ever dealt with and that includes two previous cheating spouses. We need help yet we don't really know how or even where to ask for it. We need answers yet none are forthcoming. And honestly we need each others support yet we both are absolutely drained.

Over the next few days between painting and chores, I'll be adding more items to our store. If you need a graduation gift consider one of our tote bags. I even have some duffle bags that would serve as laundry totes for those headed to college. I can even paint school colors on them. Anything that you might have for me to paint on I would be more than happy to price it for you. Just e-mail me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to upload some video of Ben from the beach last week. Despite the turmoil surrounding us at the moment our son continues to laugh and smile. You know, being Ben really isn't so bad.

Blue on Black II

Everyone, thanks for the thoughts and suggestions. I have gotten the e-mails but for some reason I cannot respond to them from the Wi-Fi connection I'm using so I will answer each of them when we get home tomorrow (or by Sunday). There are a few things I'd like to add though.

First my in-laws spent most of the day in Charleston yesterday and left this morning. This has relieved a great amount of tension. I want to say I love my in-laws and there was no way to know when they were invited that our personal shit would be hitting the fan. In fact I had to sign off on the invitation. My sister-in-law even offered to leave early. That would not have been the right thing to do since it was a good time to get away from the stress of their mother's illness (in the words of Carl Spackler, "We have that going for us...which is nice." That is something that I don't blog about because it is primarily Joan's family.

Second, I do NOT point the blame at Joan for our deteriorating relationship and I don't think she would do the same toward me. There are too many factors that have contributed to our situation that it would be impossible to narrow things down to one or even several issues. On the contrary I admire my wife for what she has done to support our family. Ignore for the moment the stresses she faces at home. Her job is related to banking. Even though her employer is stable and even doing fairly well in this economy there is a hiring freeze in place. Joan is primarily a manager with about 3 members short of a full team. Walking through the door at 9 PM at night is not uncommon. Our hope is that the folks she reports to have taken notice and her efforts will pay off in the long run.

Finally, we will always put the needs of our children first in making any long-term decisions about our family. Whether it is bankruptcy or taking some time away from each other, Jessie and Ben are our primary concern. Some people may disagree with how we handle our marriage but they are the reason we still are together. We may have problems with each other but we also have respect for each other as well.

Again thanks for the kindness many folks have shared here and on Facebook or Twitter. I've been painting quite a bit the past two days which helps distract me from the problems at hand. Ironically, as much as I'd love to express the darkness before me, the canvases still end up covered in color and joy. Weird.

Blue on Black

Blind, oh, now I see
Truth, lies, and in between
Wrong, cant be undone
Oh slipped, from the tip of
Your tongue

Lyrics by Kenny Wayne Sheppard

Things are not going well for us this week. I agreed to let Joan's sister spend the week with us here at a family residence at a beach in southeastern South Carolina. All that has done is placed even more stress on me at least. I have finally excused myself to a local cafe to blog and clear the darkness that envelops every cell of my brain at the moment.

Joan and I laid awake in bed last night absolutely pissed off at each other. It doesn't matter that the explosive argument began over homemade salsa (or lack thereof). What matters is that the anger, frustration, emptiness, and grief that overwhelms us has not only bubbled over, it is hot boiling lava that flows from every word, thought, and deed between us.

When we return to Greenville we know we will begin the process of filing bankruptcy. Yes, the 900 pound gorilla in the room has finally been identified. It could very well be that we'll also be looking for a two-for-one deal from an attorney. "Can we get a deal if you handle our divorce as well?" I'm not joking.

If you read our post over at Hopeful Parents a few days ago we laid everything on the line for our readers. Maybe I should no longer allude to our problems - I'll spell it out. We have finally tapped out every single resource available to us. All of them: financial, emotional, even spiritual. The pain and humiliation of our situation has finally chipped away so effectively at our marriage that we have discussed (when we aren't battling) how we can seriously make things work apart from each other. We are in a sexless, loveless, lifeless relationship - the cupboard for all of those things is empty.

For so long we thought we could fight this together; at least we have each other. At the very least we have God. Nada. Why god chooses to ignore the pleas of some while fawning over the desires of others I will never figure out...nor forgive.

I've carried a banner of hope at this blog for several years now. It's time to lay it down and expose the part no one wants to see, the part no one wants to talk about. The 80 percent divorce rate. The number of exceptional families needing financial aid not getting it while "octomoms" get free nursing and a book deal. Ultimately the sky-rocketing suicide rate of caregivers who finally realize how far past empty they've gone.

As I type this we have exactly $160 to get us through the rest of the month (Joan filled up her van yesterday so my gas money to return home comes from that pot). Someone tell me how to stretch that out. And in regards to the loaves and fishes story? Tell Jesus to kiss my ass.

Not So Typical

We are over here today! In our opinion Joan & I feel this is an important topic. We highly encourage our readers to go and check out my monthly contribution at Hopeful Parents. This particular post really gets to the heart of where we are at this moment in time.

Our goal is to make folks aware of the life of exceptional living. Most of the time I write about the joy and successes we discover through Ben. But we wouldn't be completing the entire painting if we didn't include the frustrations, the hardships, and the pain.

I'll be back soon to tell you about our week so far here at the beach. Let me say we are really trying to make an attempt to relax after an unsuccessful weekend at St. Simons Island. Once again I did not cover expenses most likely because of the threat and eventual arrival of sever thunderstorms on Sunday. For only the second time in five years of doing shows I truly feared for my safety late that afternoon.

A Peak Inside the Studio

For those who might question whether I take advantage of my house-husband status I offer you proof that I do spend a great deal of time in the studio. Now I will admit that for about a month to 6 weeks after the shows end for the season I won't even touch a paint brush. The creativity is just completely drained from having to keep inventory up for the shows.

This past winter I was suffering with the winter blahs more than usual. Some of you already know that Ben's sewing/quilting/stitching grandmother and I took a class from a dear friend here in Greenville. I have to say it was one of the best investments I've made in a long time.

It wasn't just the fun of learning a new craft, Susan Sorrell really helped me reevaluate my whole artistic direction. Her lessons contained so much information that the six-week course will for me turn into a six-month long adventure. You'll see that I still return to my favorite images and themes but I'm working toward a whole new color palette and using newly found imagery (symbols) to explore my interests in primitive or folksy concepts.

Let me first show you what I've completed so far. Keep in mind that this collection doesn't include the totes, jackets, and wearable art my mom and I have been working on. I'll get to those over the next few days. By the way, you can click on the images to get a closer view.

"Tropical Blend" (24" x 30" canvas)

My Own Private Island (24" x 30" canvas)
Gotta give some props to my friend Christy Buchanan who popped in for a visit last weekend. I've been trying to finish this for awhile. She had some clever ideas to help me complete it.

"Horsin' Around" (24" x 30" canvas)

"Perfect Pair" ("18" x 24" canvas)

"Palm Duo" ("12 x 16" canvas paper)
I guess you've figured out by now where I'd like to be...

Things I haven't quite finished...

"Peace Turtle" & "Dancing Cocktails"
I've been working on all of these today. All of them are getting close.

"Bite Me!"
Oh I am SO loving this one! A tip of the cap to Susan again.

"Nightscape II"

"Savannah Skyline"
The blank buildings are going to have tropical themed fabrics glued to them. I'm even planning on having a sailboat and a barge made out of fabric. This should have a "sculptural" affect after I apply glossy medium over it.

Ben Paints for His New Friend

Ben is such a flirt. Seriously! For some reason my boy child can charm the ladies and enjoys every moment he's doing so.

His newest "girlfriend" is Morgan. She's a senior at a local high school and chose Ben as a case study for her senior project. Like Ben, Morgan has a love for art. I have not had the pleasure of seeing her work yet but will get the chance very soon since the family has been invited to her senior exhibit.

I must admit that I have high expectations. This young lady will most likely achieve college credit based upon the art classes she has taken which is incredibly impressive to me. What is more impressive is her desire to possibly pursue a profession in Art Therapy. Now you know how we got connected.

To be honest I cannot say enough good things about this young woman. I keep waiting for teenage angst to come out - still waiting after about six weeks. This video was filmed last Tuesday after she had gone with me and Vicki to Ben's therapy. Today she went to Ben's school and observed his regular class as well as his art period. She then stuck around for several of the art teacher's classes to learn more about interacting with special needs children.

As you can see, Ben adores this young lady. So does the rest of our family. I hope Morgan will continue to be a part of Ben's life as they both travel The Journey!