A Redneck Runs Through It

Or perhaps a better title would be A Redneck Steps in It? Against my better judgment but for the amusement of our readers (and that of my family) I'm about to reveal more of myself than ever before. I don't really know why I've chosen this day to make a complete fool of myself in front of God, the Blogosphere, You Tube, Canada, China and the rest of the digital universe but karma sometimes leads us into decisions that, for better or worse, have to be made.

Sort of like Obama or McCain, Whoopi or Elizabeth, Brett Favre or the Packers, Kobe or Shaq, Coke or Pepsi (seriously, why on Earth would Pepsi even fool with the third most perfect beverage in the world after beer and iced tea?), boxers or briefs, single-ply or double-ply. Decisions have to be made every few seconds of our life folks! Choices that have a domino effect around us.

So rather than risk one of you actually discovering what an idiot Ben & Jessie have for a dad I am choosing to reveal The Truth about myself. This recording was made the evening before the recent demise of our camera; the one that actually shoots footage like a camcorder. Call it "the smoking gun" video. Leaving this lying around somewhere is like Oral Roberts keeping a motel receipt in his pants pocket. It's gonna get out people! One way or another. And I'm not talking about what's inside Oral's pants pocket.

For the record my family is quite entertained by this behavior. It's sort of a daily occurrence really. And if you'll notice the glass of Lubricant to my right - let's just say things really start to fly when I get into The Lubricant. As Joan would say, "the key got turned and I'll be damned if I can't shut it off!"

In my defense there is a long tradition of southerners with the ability to tell wonderful tall tales. Mark Twain, Fanny Flag, and George W. Bush come to mind. True, I am a southerner...with the ability to enjoy fermented grapes.

So now would be a good time to go get those rain boots or galoshes. Better yet put on the fishing waiters if you got 'em cause it's about to get real deep.