I Got Nothin'
(O Muse Where
I walked into the studio today and just sat there for about 30 minutes staring at a canvas. The past few weeks I've actually been able to turn out quite a few smaller paintings that surprised me once they were complete. When you do this full-time you have no time to wait for that brilliant idea to pop in your head. It's paint what you can in the two or three days at home then back on the road.
Most weeks this is a good thing. It's almost like college again where you are forced to look into the deepest parts of your soul for that creative spark; a new source of skillful energy. Usually after slinging some paint at a canvas the imagination begins to take over. Shapes, objects, and characters in the sub-conscience come out to play. And that's even before the first glass of wine is poured!
But not this week. I trying very hard to focus on the positives. Eventually the preventable disaster of last weekend will become a not-so-distant memory. I'm with my family unexpectedly for a weekend. Helping the nurses with Ben's Halloween costume has been a great distraction (I'm truly amazed at the creativity and planning Stacey and Vicki have put into this - just like Lisa last year). I was treated to lunch today by several of my old college buddies who heard about the news and just wanted to let me vent. It was good to laugh and just spend some time with my old golfing buddies, even if it was too short-lived.
Yet there's an emptiness that remains. A hole in me that wasn't there before I went to sleep Friday night. I can sense it, feel it, almost touch it but can't explain it. One day my booth will be replaced. And hopefully I will replace disappointing shows like this past weekend's with some that are more exciting, positive, and profitable. But perhaps there was a purity that was tainted by my misfortune. Art in itself is not pure - I mean why would we continue to look for new creative endeavors if we had found the purest of them all?
I've known for quite sometime that my industry just like any other is filled with liars, deceivers, and "money changers." Maybe I thought I had finally reached a point that I could shield myself from most of them. I just know that my heart is broken in the same fashion as a love-maker would. It hurts.
Also I've been trying to figure out a way to supplement our income over the winter now that we've lost two potentially good shows. I'm racking my brain here because I know that everyone else is in the same boat. I have some wooden crosses that me and Ben decorated last Christmas meant for a tree but the only two we sold were going to be wall decorations. I'm thinking we could do something similar this year.
Anyway, if you got anything - any ideas for us, we are absolutely open for them. Comment to us. E-mail us at benwaddell at bellsouth dot com (yeah, we're getting more spam now). Murals? Ornaments? And yes! We do have a new set of Christmas Card sets almost done. we really, really need your help. Sorry for the whining. I'm now headed back out to work on Ben's costume.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I Got Nothin'