Wednesday, August 05, 2009

I Am

This is a two-part entry just to introduce our many new readers to the "two Bens." In a nutshell, this is a summary of the past few years of blogging. Tomorrow we will feature my hero and son, Ben. Perhaps somewhere down the road a Jessie & Joan introduction might be in order.

I am a father, husband, son, brother, and friend. I am someone who cares and will trust, love, and believe in someone else to a fault because I want to believe in the best of others. I am fooled very easily by some people because of this trait. I am certain that I inherited this trait from my father.

I am an artist influenced by anything and everything around me. Specifically I am mostly an acrylic painter who might just pick up whatever is nearby and apply it to my painting. I am a talker which makes my job incredibly fun at shows and festivals because I enjoy meeting new people, particularly those who enjoy my work.

I am an advocate for families of special needs children and will bend over backwards to help those that need it. Because of Ben I am not afraid to embrace an exceptional child (or adult) who just might drool on me because I know they will give me more love than I could return. I am not afraid to introduce myself to someone pushing a wheelchair in public and ask about that loved one because I know that family has gone through the same hell as us.

I am a Christian but still question the Bible as the inherent "word of God." I am certain there was a Jesus Christ but I am also certain he would be very disappointed by modern organized religion. I am an Episcopalian but haven't stepped foot in a church in about five years. Although I regret that I am working most Sundays these days. I am busy spending "off weekends" with my family and I am certain God is okay with that.

I am an independent voter and distrust anyone who is affiliated with any party. I am disgusted at folks who wear blinders and won't listen to the other side (particularly if they are not respectful of another opinion). With that said I am more hopeful of the next eight years than I was of the last eight.

I am a married heterosexual man who has several gay friends who deserve the right to marry their chosen spouse. I am sometimes in awe of their love and truly respect their commitment. I am disgusted that they are discriminated against just like exceptional families.

And I am honest about the dirty parts. I am a survivor of sexual abuse as a child. I am a survivor of panic/anxiety disorder due to the previous statement and I am trying to be just like my dad - a good father, husband, and son (and who died unexpectedly in 1993 with the weight of the world on his shoulders). I am a "wine-oh" who probably drinks too much of the grape to cope with life. I am going to admit that mostly I don't like myself but I want to wake up to better days because I know I can do better for the most part.

There. Three years in a post. It's me and I'm thankful for those that deal with it everyday. By the way, I SO want to tag some folks but the parameters are really intrusive. If you want to do the same then at least link me.


moplans said...

Bennie your spirit radiates through your words here. I am so glad to know you.

sheepincognito said...

though I'm sure you could have done very well without some parts of your life, they did help make you the compassionate, caring person you are today. As they say - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And I don't think I've met many people that radiate that strength and compassion with other "survivors" as much as you do.
Keep on being yourself - you continue to be one of my favorite artist buddies. May your future continue be filled with good memories that will repay you for any pain you've had in your past.

Just know this: you are liked just for being you. :o)

Kyla said...

You're a good man, Bennie. We're lucky to know you.