Sunday, September 14, 2008

Autumn is taunting me.

I hate her (him). She is such a bitch (bastard). As I type this I'm looking out a window that takes me back three decades ago: my teenage years.

Honestly I used to like those first cool winds of fall. In my little world it meant cooler weather in which to practice soccer. It meant rolling the windows down and letting the cooler breeze flow through the locks of my girlfriend's hair as I cruised in my Thunderbird. It also meant staring at the sky, the trees waving in the wind, listening to some sort of music that would be etched into my soul to remind me how much I would miss these things once I grew old . And here it is! Welcome Big World to my Little World.

Tonight I'm staring at the same "row of trees" I saw in my youth. The sun is going down and I see similar shadows that I saw thirty years ago. I'm wishing that I soaked myself or even bathed myself in those memories. I see a father, a mother, and three sons preparing for another day.

I want to go back. I want to tell me to hold onto this moment like it was the last. I want to hold my Dad once again and tell him, "Dad, I love you! You did the best that you could and that is okay with me." I miss you, Dad.


flutter said...

I think it is so wonderful that you know he did his best.

we_be_toys said...

We are in very similar moods today - for very different reasons.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

Fall is evidently a harbinger of many things; cool weather, memories, and for some regrets. If not regrets, than a wish to go back just one more time.

Beautiful Post.