Baiting Rat Traps and Weird Searches


In honor of receiving a major award from Creative-Type Dad I’ve decided to post another round of phrases some folks (aliens, inmates, Catholic priests maybe) have typed into Google which led them here to our family blog. I think it’s the right thing to do since I actually stole the idea from him. If you haven’t read his most recent list you must do so now. Evidently he has a new Hawaiian reader.

As for me and Ben, well let us just say there are some pretty interesting people (aliens, inmates, Catholic priests maybe) surfing the internet.

• “Mr. Crabs secret recipe for the Crabby Patty” – Nice try Plankton but you’ll never serve a delicious mouth-watering Crabby Patty at The Chum Bucket.

• “Bennie day” – I’m all in favor of this one. In fact Bennie Day should be celebrated at least once a month. On that particular holiday you may take off work if you send me a present (cash is preferred).

• “how is day pronounced by a southerner” – You start with the typical “d” consonant and end the word with the long “a” vowel sound, which rhymes with hay or say or bay or ray or gay you stupid Yankee. And Southerner should always be capitalized.

• “redneck rendezvous” – A very popular occurrence in West Virginia, this usually happens in the back of a pick-up truck (“pick ‘em up truck” in Alabama) after one too many PBRs at the local beer, bait, and ammo supply store. After beer number 16 things get all foggy given the mix of alcohol and neon. Generally the rendezvous ends with a handshake agreement with your sister promising you'll both never tell mama.

• “prettiest woman in greenville” – It’s a tie but they both live under my roof.

• “nudering boys” – I’m assuming that this was a major misspelling and the searcher meant neutering boys. After meeting some of the boys in Jessie’s class I’m not so certain that this would be a bad idea. In some cases I would even say too late – “nudering” dad was a better idea.

• “doctor cocks meets nurse vajayjay movie” – Now this one was borderline as I considered it’s entry into today’s list. After some thought I decided to include it because some fellow surfing the net for porn just couldn’t bring himself to actually type the word for a certain female body part. I found it humorous that instead of X-rated websites the guy probably stumbled upon a huge list of mommy bloggers discussing the latest trip their OB-GYN. That and I’ve really wanted to opportunity to put the word “vajayjay” on our blog.

• “baiting a rat trap” – Here in the South it’s called chambering the bullet. Just make sure that when you shoot the varmint it isn’t in front of something important like the TV, the fridge, the microwave, or the kids. Also never use a shotgun. You don’t want to obliterate the little feller cause you never know when you might run out of Vienna Sausages.