Sunday, February 25, 2007

Ben Update

Ben started throwing up again today along with the expected seizures. Joan's worst fear is a shunt malfunction and I'm beginning to believe it just might be true.

There is a "valve" just behind his right ear that only I have the stomach to check and I can't make it drain like it normally does. If this is the case then Ben has to go back to the hospital for a new shunt. The idea of him going under the knife again scares the living shit out of us.

For information sake the shunt drains extra fluid from Ben's skull into his stomach. I've hopefully thought all along that the shunt was not not the problem. If that is indeed the culprit then Ben is in for another pain-in-the-ass hospital stay right as the art festival season kicks in.

That is the least of my worries but it's a big part of our income. Sorry for the F-bomb but FUDGE!

****My Spew****

Why does God do this to His most precious? I'd gladly take the suffering on my own. I've sinned against Him more than Ben ever will. Is this my punishment? I know He exists but does He really care? Jesus teaches us that the little ones are His favorites. It's no secret that God is a shit in my book but how can He let shitheads like name-your-latest-child-molester roam free and parents like us suffer and suffer and suffer? I don't get it. I really don't get it.

I really try to keep from being agnostic but it continues to amaze me how God goes to great lengths to prove me wrong. What an incredible douche bag. I honestly hate am very pissed off at Him. Whatever It is I really don't want a part of it anymore for the time being.


Kyla said...

Oh no!! Poor Ben!!! I hope he's not going to have to go to the hospital!

Kelly said...

About God... I have those thoughts from time to time. My biggest question is always why? And I too wonder if this is my punishment in life. You are human and he has lessons in everything. Its just so hard!

About the shunt... see this as a positive. Ben is healthy, thriving and growing, thus the reason he may have grown out of his shunt! He'll pull through, and hopefully quick enough for you to go to the art festival!

Saying a prayer for you tonight! And sending a hug!

kimmyk said...

I've questioned GOD more times in my life than I care to remember. They're questions I will never know the answers to I'm afraid. I'm sorry you're struggling with your relationship with GOD...Sometimes your best friend can be your worst enemy at times.

As far as Ben goes...that's a rough one. Sorry to hear about the seizures and the vomiting. I can't imagine what you go through daily and I won't even try to pretend to understand. But know that I think about your family daily and I include y'all in my prayers. Sometimes I wonder why I pray...but then I guess if I don't have something to hold onto I'm afraid all will be for nothing.

Keep your chin up and think positive. I'll be sending prayers and good positive vibes your way.

Ben & Bennie said...

Thanks Kimmy, Kelly, & Kyla. Okay that was weird...

angie said...

AAAHHHH! I just lost a big response to your post!!
I'm wondering if I can still post if my name doesn't start with a K???? My middle name does...does that count???
Well, I just want to say that I've been where you are and it sucks! Hang in there. You have an amazing family.

I hope that Ben "just" has the flu....It's amazing what we wish for when we have a child with medical needs. I hope that he does not have to go to the hospital and you can attend the art festival.

I loved the heart painting that you and Ben did. I was bummed to see that it had already sold. I will keep looking:).

BlogWhore said...

go ahead and take it out on God.... he'll understand.

do what u need to do to get thru...

Ben & Bennie said...

Angie: middle names count so you're good to go. And keep watching the blog. We have another heart on the way.

Jen: thank God (or whatever she is) you're still alive! I've been worried y'all were lost in an avalanche.