Ben started throwing up again today along with the expected seizures. Joan's worst fear is a shunt malfunction and I'm beginning to believe it just might be true.
There is a "valve" just behind his right ear that only I have the stomach to check and I can't make it drain like it normally does. If this is the case then Ben has to go back to the hospital for a new shunt. The idea of him going under the knife again scares the living shit out of us.
For information sake the shunt drains extra fluid from Ben's skull into his stomach. I've hopefully thought all along that the shunt was not not the problem. If that is indeed the culprit then Ben is in for another pain-in-the-ass hospital stay right as the art festival season kicks in.
That is the least of my worries but it's a big part of our income. Sorry for the F-bomb but FUDGE!
Why does God do this to His most precious? I'd gladly take the suffering on my own. I've sinned against Him more than Ben ever will. Is this my punishment? I know He exists but does He really care? Jesus teaches us that the little ones are His favorites. It's no secret that God is a shit in my book but how can He let shitheads like name-your-latest-child-molester roam free and parents like us suffer and suffer and suffer? I don't get it. I really don't get it.
I really try to keep from being agnostic but it continues to amaze me how God goes to great lengths to prove me wrong. What an incredible douche bag. I honestly
hate am very pissed off at Him. Whatever It is I really don't want a part of it anymore for the time being.
Sunday, February 25, 2007