On the Palette


Lime Green: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and state for The Record that having a cold during the summer sucks worse than having one at any other time of the year. Given the high humidity and temperatures and the additional pollen floating about I'm seriously considering getting one of those gas masks at the Army-Navy Surplus Store that the crazies were buying for Y2K. Plus I could still use it if that lunatic running North Korea decides he wants to choose the big red button instead of whats behind curtain number 1 or the box Jay is holding.

Cadmium Red: We bought a new dishwasher this morning and not because we just happen to have wanted to update the kitchen from the post-modern 1970s thing we've got going. Black Betty bit the dust over the weekend (more excellent homecoming news) and will be headed to the Big Appliance Heaven in the Sky or the local landfill whichever comes first and cost the least. Thank God I insisted upon applying for that Lowe's credit card about two years ago which allowed me to get that cool looking Jimmy Johnson t-shirt that the dog eventually ate.

For those not in the know JJ drives the #48 Lowe's Nextell Cup car for Hendrick Motorsports, the new home of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. (otherwise known as Little E). The rule was that I got the shirt and Joan would shred the card. Me being the smart kind of guy that I am (sometimes) knew that Lowe's would keep our account open despite not having the piece of plastic. Me being the (mostly) dumbass that I am didn't know Joan had applied under her name.

Despite not having the shirt any longer I'd say my "determination" to get said shirt credit turned out to be a positive. Six months same as cash made my head swoon just like all that drainage made me feel during the night. The salesman thought those were tears of joy in my eyes but the honest truth is that they're just two more orifices oozing goop.

Brilliant Blue: These are just a few things that I've come to be most thankful of over the past few days. I hope my Dad is smiling down from heaven about the first one...

• Air-conditioners as standard equipment on pop-up campers. My father was perhaps the first owner to install a window unit in a Starcraft pop-up back in the seventies. He was ridiculed and scorned for being such a weenie camper. Had he ignored the naysayers we could probably afford a fifth wheel with all the patent checks still rolling in. Instead we just made fun of all the tent-campers last summer that had brought window units with them.
• A marine battery and electrical inverter purchased at Wal-Mart. Yeah, I know many of you hate Wally World. Well I'm not embarrassed to tell you that place is a candy store for an adult, particularly one that lives on the road half the weekends of the year. For less than a hundred bucks I can run two fans in my booth all day long and then carry the battery back to the camper to recharge it on my speed charger ($29.99 at Sam's place) for the next day's use.
  
• A free cell phone with the extension of our current mobile plan. It may be outdated in a year or so but getting a phone call from your daughter during the weekend to tell daddy she misses him and that baby brother feels better is priceless.
• Sirius satellite radio. No commercial interruptions with the ability to keep up with news, sports, and weather while away from home. Plus the amount of music to listen to is limitless. And if you like listening to whackos, Howard Stern AND Martha Stewart have their own channels!

• Fire flies in the summer. My buddy Casey is just now discovering one of God's coolest creations and a source of hours of entertainment. Add in a campfire and a campsite far away from civilization, you have the makings of a light show Pink Floyd could not even imagine. A wood fire, insects and stars. How brilliant!

Cobalt Teal: The boys are on their own this weekend. Jessie has her last dance competition of the year this weekend in Charleston, SC. We had planned to make it a family weekend but Ben's recent set-back due to the heat canceled those ideas. Instead me and the "Ben Man" will work in the yard, drink beer, hang out by the pool, and not necessarily in that order. Who knows? We might head out to the mall and scope out some chicks. It's a bachelors weekend for The Party Boys! Sorry ladies but these guys are taken. You can still flirt if you wanna cause we're cool like that...because we're two wild and crazy guys!

And now playing on the iPod...John Prine.