Time Keeps on Ticking

Life moves so very fast for me these days. I’m beginning to think we humans age at the speed of enlightenment. For your information that’s a rate very much slower than the speed I’m alluding to but way faster than we can digest or comprehend to appreciate those moments in time we will always treasure. For the record there are no birthdays, anniversaries, or milestones that brought this to my attention. It is the sheer fact that I’m now approaching the middle age years. In fact I might already be there.

Here I am at 44 still adjusting to a new career and responsibilities in life. I won’t lie and tell you that I don’t like it. The fact is that I love it. Being Mr. Mom and a full-time artist is a dream come true for me. Despite the pressure and intensity of Joan’s job, she thrives in it. I was once there and I hated it. I despised every moment sitting in front of a desk with an in-box filled with paperwork and deadlines that could never possibly be met. The rigidity and routine of that life nearly killed me. I know that it killed my father at too early of an age and he missed out on the most joyous thing he could imagine: spoiling his grandkids.

In my dreams and occasionally in the back of my mind I can hear my dad telling me how proud he is of our family choices over the past few years. My dad came from an extremely poor background so providing his family with material things meant a great deal to him. Dad had a very generous heart for others as well. It was a part of my dad that was always filled with good intentions but ended up being one of his greatest flaws. Dad missed out on so many opportunities to make memories with us during the younger years of my brothers and me while working so hard to provide the best things for us. I’d much rather have him around these days than having had that nice wardrobe of clothes that was probably given away many years ago.

I can now see that my greatest accomplishment is being a part of bringing two wonderful kids into this world. I still find that extraordinary and honestly beyond my comprehension at times. I want to see every breath they take. I want to see them prosper at everything they attempt. I want them to know that Dad is their biggest fan whatever they choose to do. I want to see them make those huge steps into life that we as parents are petrified they have to take. And now just like my Dad I want them to always have the very best of what life offers.

In reality raising Ben has been easier than you might think. The milestones accomplished are mostly slow and far between. We have plenty of time to prepare for them, to digest them, and to properly appreciate them. Jessie, on the other hand, is a normal "little" girl fast becoming a young woman. Despite my best attempts she is growing at a rate that I cannot control. This blog is mostly about Ben and me but Jessie is and will always be "Number 1" – the eldest of my clan’s generation. She was the first to teach me how very precious the little ones are. In fact I was the first to feed her. I was the first to change her diaper. I was the first to present her to everyone in our family. She is now a preteen and now I’m wondering where the last decade of my life has gone.

Living with Ben has slowed things down for us in many ways. He is now seven but can’t walk or even function like a “normal” 7-year-old. We still have to carry him everywhere, bathe him, feed him, and provide all of his basic needs just like we did when he was a baby. He talks (as you can see from his latest video) but needs a great amount of interpretation to discern his words from the babble he interjects. His skin is still so very soft including his fat little feet because he’s never set foot on concrete or asphalt. You would think that saddens us but not as much as you think. We can always protect Ben, not from everything, but from many of the things that will needless to say keep me and Joan up late into the night as we worry for Jessie’s safety.

It is indeed a strange hand we’ve been dealt; not a bad one, just strange. So we will continue to play the game and enjoy it until the next hand is dealt. We’ll play our cards as best we can and keep a sharp eye out for The Joker. Hopefully we can avoid him when Jessie begins to date.