One Day at a Time

I guess that's a pretty strange title for the final day of the first decade of the 21st century. Earlier today my Facebook status declared that the first ten years of the 2000s was collectively the worst 3648 days of my entire life and how much I was looking forward to the beginning of the "teens." Of course there were some wonderful moments, even entire 24 hour periods among the others that were some of the best of my life. Those little treasures just happened to be buried somewhere between the loss of our family's business, our entire savings, the accumulation of a mountain of debt, three Christmases spent in a hospital, the beginnings of middle age health problems, dealing with some significant marital issues, the death of my last living grandparent, and the loss of several other wonderful folks who contributed significant memories and meaning into our lives.

This measure of time that encompasses roughly one fifth of my life is now juxtaposed with the way I am encouraged to live the remainder of my days - one at a time. Three thousand six hundred forty eight versus today...or yesterday...or tomorrow. For some reason it seems quite odd and so very foreign to me to think, plan, and prepare in such a way. Daily. Hourly. Minute to minute.

Yet when I look at my life as a snapshot of this moment rather than the feature film version that I am used to it is very difficult to be unhappy. After shaking the Polaroid I take a close look. I see two healthy children who are happy. I see a mother and wife with a good job, a steady source of income, who is beloved by her family. I see a home that needs some repairs but still keeps its family warm and safe from the elements. The faces in the photograph indicate laughter, fun, security, love, and happiness. And then there is a father and husband who has recently made a huge life-changing decision. He looks at peace - hopeful even - expecting good things to come. In this picture I see what is actually there and not what should be there.

Perhaps this new way of dealing with life will be good for me. Maybe it will even help me deal with the ebb and flow of time in a healthier way than I have ever approached it. After all, there is no other path to achieve sobriety.

Starting Over

This is an e-mail I sent my friend "Maggie, Dammit" earlier today. We both began a similar journey last winter but as you will read timing is sometimes everything:

Basically the subject speaks for itself. It's a long story that began in late January of this year but I had to wait until the time was right before deciding that I am indeed an alcoholic. I finally quit Christmas Day. My family thinks this was a wonderful present for them. The fact is that it will be the best present I will ever give myself.

The details of how I arrived at that moment, the one where an alcoholic finally decides he or she is too weary to continue being a slave, are not that important. For that I truly thank God because no one was injured, my family is still in tact, and I am still alive. What is important is the epiphany of realizing that were I to keep living within the insanity I would soon be dead. God made that perfectly clear to me on Christmas Eve. As I told my brothers, I now have a new appreciation of the Ebeneezer Scrooge story.

For now I have the Big Book at hand and meetings to attend. I met with a counselor today to begin the work of peeling away the layers of this onion which I shall call My Life. At the moment I'm not too fond of it but I think enough of what is left of it to salvage those layers in hopes that they will finally season the lives around me with something other than pungent and tearful.

Don't get me wrong! I am very happy and content with this decision which is a far cry from the previous two attempts to quit. For the first time I am not grieving over the absent bottle of wine. There are moments that I seem lost because that daily ritual must now be replaced with something more worthwhile. Instead I look forward to the freedom which my chemically altered mind cannot fathom that which I already have. So I live day to day now with simple goals. Don't drink. Go to a meeting. Read the Book. Say my prayers.

I hope this e-mail finds you well, my friend...

Love -

Bennie

Ben's Christmas List

Sorry we've been away for awhile. As usual the holidays have been hectic with lots of going here and there and...well mostly to a doctor's office. For some reason it seemed like one of us was knocked off our feet each week of Advent with the most wicked of cold viruses - Ben even had it twice. Despite the amount of Lysol, Tylenol, Advil, NyQuil, DayQuil, Mucinex, and hand sanitizer used the past month we've maintained a fairly upbeat attitude about the Christmas season.

Indeed as this Holy Day approached and eventually unfolded I would think the entire family would agree that this has been the most fun we've had during the holidays in quite some time. It all culminated in our community experiencing the first white Christmas in quite some time. Although Joan and I were both alive the last time it happened (1963) we probably weren't soiling our diapers in excitement.

Now that Santa has parked his sleigh for another year and Rudolph & company are snacking on left-over carrots, we'd like to present Ben's "official" Christmas list for the upcoming year. So throw another log on the fire, warm up some more cocoa, and enjoy reading about some things that will most definitely make our son's eye twinkle.

1. Take time to hug a penguin, mainly one by the name of Mumbo. If an arctic bird is not available then instead Ben suggest a friend or loved one who might need it more. Otherwise he thinks you might want to consider a Pillow Pet.
2. Sitting next to a colorfully lit Christmas tree and singing to it is a good thing. It's better therapy than watching Dad set something on fire. As Buddy the Elf would say, "The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."
3. Everyone should have a sister like Jessie. No one can open a present faster nor run out of excitement over opening the next one.
4. Riding in a wheelchair down a snow-covered wheelchair ramp is quite fun. For Mom? Not so much.
5. After observing Jessie and cousin Chandler, the best way to spend Christmas night after playing in the snow is watching Elf in front of a warm fire eating popcorn.
6. Having a finger full of mocha icing placed on your tongue is an excellent treat particularly if you have a feeding tube.
7. Be sure to give the nurses a really big smile - they know where to find the mocha icing. 

A Good Cold Snap

My apologies for not keeping updates available about our wonderfully healthy and beautiful son. If you follow us on Facebook this may seem like a strange statement given that Ben is about one week past the end of a very wicked cold virus. Let me explain so that you will better understand our "glee" in regards to this recent illness.

Ben was a pretty sick kid about this time two weeks ago. We knew it was bad because our boy ended up oxygen dependent for almost a week after it was all said and done. In the past (and I mean distant past - knock on wood) something like this would've put him in the hospital faster than a Danica Patrick pit stop. Add in the seven days of antibiotics on his sensitive stomach and we had the makings of a pre-Christmas reunion in the local Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.

Joan also picked up the same virus and has been miserable for about two weeks. Given her suffering it seems that Ben has come a long way in kicking ass when it comes to illnesses that keep him down! All the credit goes to Ben due to the determination he has in building strength via physical and occupational therapies. I promise to post a few recent videos and pictures very soon of him being more rowdy than this particular photograph. I just couldn't help myself because that kid is just so darn cute!

Please keep in mind that we are still selling our art. Ben has several pieces available that I have yet to photograph. Plus we have even more mini canvases available including some with flip-flops (which seem to be a popular theme again this year). There is still time to mail these but I will need your orders very soon! Please consider these as a gift for those that you love - as much as we could use the income we know many folks are hurting even more than us. If you need a gift for a loved one and cannot afford it we will gladly send you some of these to make the season brighter.

Scenes of the Season

When Nurse Tracy has gone home the past few days Ben has chosen to sit in a position so that he can view the tree and our decorated mantelshelf at the same time. I've turned on Christmas carols for him. It has been a tremendous privilege to hear Ben sing smile, sing along, and just enjoy the beauty of our little spectacle. I will do my best to try and capture this on video but you know how much Ben hates the camera.

Go ahead. It's okay. I got teary-eyed when I took it and also when I uploaded it. It is so incredible how much Ben enjoys the simple pleasures of Christmas. He was so very excited to be a part of the decorating process this year.

After we decorated the tree this weekend I found two tired Angels needing some daddy-love. The pile of red hair in my lap is Jessie. I love being a father!

Some new mini canvases!

This is a 10" x 20" original on stretched canvas. Ready to hang!

Another new theme in the 10" x 20" size.

Please check previous posts for details or e-mail me at benwaddell@bellsouth.net.

A Time to Speak Out

Long time readers of A work of Art know to find us on the seventh of every month over at Hopeful Parents. This month's column is certainly a dandy. In fact it maybe one of the most important posts I've made since joining there. If you are a special needs parent or care-giver you will definitely find it of interest.

We are still working on our mini canvases and a few other things as well. Be sure to check back (often) over the next few days.